Tips on Taking Time For Yourself Each Day, Even When There’s None to Spare

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As a mom it’s not always easy to find time for yourself. And often when you do it somehow feels like it’s at the expense of someone else in the family. But as research and personal experience shows, taking a little time for you is VITAL to be a good parent, a healthy person and just plain happier.

Even with my kids in school (one only in school for a couple of hours at that) I still struggle to find time for myself that doesn’t involve cleaning or working. But lately I’ve been working hard at making it happen, and I’m starting to get better at it.

Here are a few things you can find a little time to yourself even when you don’t have any to spare.

• Garden – OK so gardening can be a bit of work in the beginning but once it’s going strong the actual “gardening’ part can be very therapeutic. Weeding, watering and harvesting have been soul-soothing activities for thousands of years. When the weather is right you can let the kids loose in the yard while you get some earthy time in the dirt.
• Read – Most schools ask that your kids read 15 to 20 minutes a day, each day. At our school we actually have to sign a sheet that the child did read for that period of time. Instead of nagging your child from the kitchen, sit down and read a book or magazine of your own. This will help encourage your child to work on their reading and give you 15 minutes of quiet reading time.
• Early to Bed Early to Rise – Make it a point to get up 15 to 30 minutes early than the rest of your house. Read, do some yoga or just enjoy a quiet cup of coffee before the chaos of the morning starts. And set a decent and early bedtime for your kdis and stick to it. Then use that time to unwind from the day, catch up on Facebook, go to sleep early or simply watch a little TV with your spouse.

These things may not seem like much but incorporating them into your daily routine can do wonders for your stress level, your health and even your ability to be a good mom.
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Love and Laughter

I don’t think that there are really any right ways to be a mom. Every family, every house, every woman and child are different. But there are two secrets to surviving motherhood that apply to every mother. Love and Laughter. Now I think as mothers we generally have the love part down. It’s the laughter part that we seem to lose sight of from time to time. At least I know I do sometimes.

During the most chaotic days in my house I know I get caught up in the never-ending to–do lists of household chores, deadlines, homework, field trips reminders, prescriptions to pick up, etc. sometimes I forget to laugh.

But sometimes I remember. I look at my house, which is a mess, and my kids who have turned over chairs in order to create a puppet show where the puppets throw all the toys within reach across the room and laugh.

Because being a mom is silly. It’s exhausting and silly and crazy and wild. It’s like living on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Every single day. And totally the most awesome thing ever.

For the last couple weeks I’ve been spending every quiet moment I can spare (which are few & far between) to read bits and pieces of the hilarious SV Moms book club book, Just Let Me Lie Down: Necessary Terms for the Half-Insane Working Mom by Kristin Van Ogtrop.

Written as a dictionary with terms that every mom knows. It’s pretty much one big laugh out loud moment that reminded me that we need to take life just a little less seriously and enjoy it for what it is.

Awesome.

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Our First Pinewood Derby

One of my all time favorite movies growing up was Ron Howard’s Parenthood (a movie that has become a hot topic once again since the recent premier of the show by the same name being filmed right here in the East Bay). And as funny as I thought it was as a kid the movie took on a whole different meaning once I was not only an adult, but as a parent.

One of the best parts of the movie is when during a Little League game Steve Martin’s son makes the winning catch. Steve Martin’s reaction, as the dad, is hilarious and his entire outlook on life changes based on the winning catch.

Well recently we lived out the scene. We’ve been going through some rough times lately. Nothing worse than anyone else on this day and age, financial struggles intermixed with job troubles can create a pretty dark cloud over life. We were having a particularly stressful weekend two weekends go. And it was the day of our son’s first Cub Scout Pinewood Derby. My husband and son had been working on the car for weeks. But all of us were in such
crappy moods, that none of us wanted to go.

But as anyone involved in scouts knows, the Pinewood Derby is a huge deal. And we hopped into the car and headed over. We hung around and waited for the Tiger Scouts to compete and then for our son’s first heat.

1^st place.

We screamed and shouted. Then he raced again. And POW! First place again.

Race after race he place first except for one where he placed second. By the end we were those annoying parents screaming and shouting every time he won. My husband was on the verge of tears. We were Steve Martin in Parenthood.

It’s amazing how much the little moments of parenthood can change you. How the look on your son’s face when he shows you his first place trophy can touch a place in your heart that you never knew was there.

Pictures

Most of you on Facebook may have noticed the retro thing going on with people’s profile pictures. Well considering how many dozens photo albums and picture boxes I have stocked full of millions of pictures, I thought it would be fun to pull out some old pictures, scan them and then tag all my old school friends. But instead I ended up spending an entire evening pouring through every single photo album and photo box I own.

I have pictures that of course begin with me as a baby, my childhood, teen years and into the years my husband and I were dating, our wedding and of course there were tons of both pregnancies and the kids all the way through now. My mind is kind of racing full of all the memories. It’s so weird to look back and see how much I’ve grown and changed. And even weirder to see how much the kids have grown and changed. I swear it was just yesterday that they were born. Then again I would’ve sworn that it was only yesterday that I got married or graduated high school…

There were so many pictures that just took me back. Friends and family that have long since passed away, friends that are still in my life today. So many people and so many memories.

Nothing puts your life into a sharper focus then looking back over your life in pictures. It reminds you of where you come from and who you are. It also reminded me of just how fast my babies are growing and that I should take time to slow down and smell the roses with them more often.

My dad took this picture when I was in elementary school. He told me to picture the woman I’d be when I was 30 and to say hi to that woman. And now here I am, 32, looking at that same picture, saying hi back to that girl I once was.

I never did scan any pictures and upload them to Facebook. Maybe tomorrow…

The Birth of Evil Mommy

Ok, so I know that Supernanny would probably be here in an instant. And I know that Dr. Phil would have me shipped off to his boot camp so fast my head would probably spin. I know all this because I have worked with kids on and off since I was in high school. I have credits in Early Childhood Development and a library of books on child rearing. Including my college textbooks. So I know what I’m about to tell you is soooooo wrong.

Recently in the heat of a weak moment I did something. The house was in shambles and the kids were refusing to clean up. Not just refusing, but downright telling us NO. And in a moment of complete weakness I broke down and told them that if they didn’t start listening Evil Mommy was going to come down and make them.

That’s right. Evil Mommy. I told my children that I was the good mommy and Evil Mommy lives in the attic and would come down if she didn’t like the way they were behaving. Evil Mommy hates TV. She hates video games and toys. And she ESPECIALLY hates little boys and girls who talk back to their parents.

My kids DID NOT LIKE THIS.

Right away through sniffled tears they started cleaning. Right away I knew what I’d told them was wrong. But is it really any different than threatening to cancel Christmas by calling Santa and telling him not to come? Something I KNOW many of you have told your kids at one point or another.

And there was a kid’s book that I loved growing up that had a similar story… Miss Nelson is Missing.

So while I know that somewhere Supernanny is cringing in her sleep, part of me found some evil satisfaction in the fact that my kids suddenly were very intent on listening to me.

I know, I’m a bad mom.

I have not come clean with my kids about the Evil Mommy not really existing. But I’m no longer threatening to bring her down either. You never know, I may just need to conjure her up again someday.

So tell me, what’s the worst thing YOU’VE told your kids in order to get them to shape up?

Father/Son & Mother/Daughter Day at the Harvey House

Allen and Patrick spent the day learning and exploring the airport while Cheyanne went for a trip to the African American Arts & Culture Complex in San Francisco. It was a big day for all of us, but the kids can’t stop talking about their big days and are asking when we’re going to flip flop and do a Mother/Son & Father/Daughter day.

It’s days like this that I just love that we live where we live and feel confident that as parents, we’re truly giving our kids memories that will last a lifetime. *Sigh*

Cheyanne and SF District Attorney, Kamala Harris

Patrick the Pilot

All I Need to Know about Parenting I Learned From the Cosby Show

I love reruns. I will admit here & now that nothing gives me greater comfort after a long day then a bowel of ice cream and a classic episode of the Golden Girls on Lifetime. Or the fact I’m so happy to have discovered that my kids totally love Full House AND Different Strokes. All shows I grew up watching. Now, I have watched Family Ties and Growing Pains here & there over the years since I’ve become a parent. And though I still enjoy them as much as I ever did, there is never really anything truly miraculous about them. No secret lesson that was only privy to the adults or anything. I enjoy watching them, but they aren’t giving me anything new.

But then, recently, I rediscovered another show that had been a weekly staple in my house growing up, The Cosby Show. It was always funny and always entertaining. We watched it religiously while it was on the air. And then we watched it for years on and off in syndication. Until a couple of weeks ago it had been years since I watched an entire episode of the Cosby Show. In fact it was probably my first time since I became a mom. And now I’m addicted. Not for the same reasons I loved it as a kid (Bill Cosby was funny, Denise was my idol, etc.). I’m addicted because it is better than any parenting book I have ever read. Got a problem getting your kid to do homework? Watch the Cosby Show. Eating vegetables? Cosby Show. Teaching your child manners or how to follow through with commitments? The value of a dollar? All these lessons and many more are at your fingertips with the simple push of the TV remote.

It’s funny because at first look the show seems dated. But it’s not in the least. The lessons and storylines couldn’t be any more current or timely if they had been written yesterday. I will longer be spending any money on parenting books, magazines, or DVDs. Except for the entire series collection of the Cosby Show of course.

Now excuse me, my daughter is refusing to eat her lunch. Hmmm, I’m sure there’s a Cosby show episode somewhere with a speech that would work perfectly….

A Cranky Toddler, An Airplane & You

Maybe I’m a little late coming to this gossip session, but I just heard about the woman who was kicked off a Southwest Airline flight from Amarillo, TX to San Jose, Ca. As the plane was about to take off her cranky two-year-old was screaming for the plane to go and also screaming for his daddy. There have been a number of news stories and blog posts floating around the web abut the incident.

Basically the mom was waiting for the plane to take off before feeding the child so that his ears would pop easily and he would hopefully nap the duration of the flight. Yet passengers complained that they were unable to hear safety announcements due to the screaming toddler. Southwest made the decision to turn back to the gate and escort the mom & toddler off the plane.

Southwest apologized and gave the mom a $300 travel voucher on top of a full refund. The mom is calling for more commendation to make up for the extra diapers and porta-crib she had to purchase while staying at her parents in Amarillo for the unplanned extra night.

It’s hard to come at this story from one side or the other. Most people who fly with any kind of regularity know that not all flights kick off screaming toddlers. In fact some people might even complain that most in fact, do it often enough. It’s this observation that leads me to wonder just how extreme was the screaming?

In my reading up on the incident I couldn’t find one first hand account (other than the mom’s and the airlines official statement) of the incident. Which makes me wonder even more. You’d think that if it weren’t pretty extreme wouldn’t some of the passengers have spoken up for the mom once the story made headlines?

I’m a mom. There have been occasions where my kids where tired cranky, and just plane intolerable in public. So I did my best to avoid taking them in public during those times. I think all of us have had moments like that. As a mom, I think the last thing I would have wanted to do was to spend the next four hours in an enclosed area with my child on a lane if he was in a mood like that.

In fact, though would’ve been embarrassed, I think I would’ve happily returned to my mom’s house with my full refund and $300 travel voucher. Then returned with a happier and much more well rested child in the morning.

That’s just me though.

So what do YOU think? Was Southwest totally out of line or is this mom pushing it by continuing to push for more compensation?  And at what point do you think a disruptive child, whether it be yours or someone else’s, should be asked to leave?

Awww, motherhood. Never a dull moment.

Meghan Harvey is the Community Manager for MomConnect & never ever flies. But she IS the pilot of her own mode of transportation, a small SUV. She has never booted any cranky passengers off, though she has been tempted to. But her kids aren’t teenagers yet either…

This post is a cross-post from MomConnect-The Blog!

Breastfeeding Sucks

That’s right, I said it. Breastfeeding sucks. That was one of the greatest pieces of advice I ever picked up as a new mom.

Let me back up just a bit. For me, deciding to breastfeed was never really much of a decision. I knew I was going to breastfeed the moment we decided to have kids. Once I was pregnant I bought all the books, read every magazine article and even took a breastfeeding class at the local clinic. I was going to be the best breastfeeder EVER.

As it turned out, the books, the class, and all the magazine articles that I’d read left out a number of things. What all those great breastfeeding articles didn’t talk about was my 30 hour labor and my 10lb baby boy. They neglected to mention the effect that a 30 hour labor and the horrific tearing that took 20 minutes to stitch up would have on my ability to sit down and breastfeed in the early weeks. Or how that discomfort would make it harder for my milk to let down so the feedings would take even longer.

They said my nipples might crack & bleed. They said engorgement may cause a little “discomfort.” What they didn’t say was that the pain involved might actually make me forget about the pain of childbirth.

These resources also listed some of the pitfalls of breastfeeding. Like mastitis, thrush, and the continuous leaking from my breasts. They didn’t explain how excruciating these things could be, especially when they all happened to me one right after the other.

Needless to say in those early weeks of motherhood I was feeling pretty beat down by breastfeeding. I felt like I was doing something wrong. I also felt like I couldn’t get a break. I really wanted breastfeeding to be this beautiful and mystical experience for me and my son. It just wasn’t working out that way.

Then somewhere along the way I came across a blog post online, I don’t remember where exactly now. But in this post the woman said, “Anyone who tells you breastfeeding is easy is a big liar! But if you stick it out, it gets better.”

And I did stick it out. Thanks to ice packs, lanolin, antibiotics and ibuprofen my problems passed. And breastfeeding did turn out to be one of the best things I ever did. I went on to breastfeed my son until he weaned himself at 14 months, even pumping for a whole year once I went back to work.

When I had my daughter a couple of years later I breastfed her as well. Oddly enough other than gritting my teeth through some sore nipples, it was pretty easy the second time around. Then again I think the breastfeeding Gods owed me one.

So why tell this story almost seven years later? Because somewhere out there is a new mom with cracked nipples and a hungry baby. And she’s feeling like maybe, just maybe, it’s too hard.

Well honey, it is hard. In fact it sucks. But it gets better. And it’s worth every ache and pain.

This post is a cross-post from Meghan Harvey’s personal blog, Meg’s Idle Chatter, where she writes about more than just sore breasts.