The Birth of Evil Mommy

Ok, so I know that Supernanny would probably be here in an instant. And I know that Dr. Phil would have me shipped off to his boot camp so fast my head would probably spin. I know all this because I have worked with kids on and off since I was in high school. I have credits in Early Childhood Development and a library of books on child rearing. Including my college textbooks. So I know what I’m about to tell you is soooooo wrong.

Recently in the heat of a weak moment I did something. The house was in shambles and the kids were refusing to clean up. Not just refusing, but downright telling us NO. And in a moment of complete weakness I broke down and told them that if they didn’t start listening Evil Mommy was going to come down and make them.

That’s right. Evil Mommy. I told my children that I was the good mommy and Evil Mommy lives in the attic and would come down if she didn’t like the way they were behaving. Evil Mommy hates TV. She hates video games and toys. And she ESPECIALLY hates little boys and girls who talk back to their parents.

My kids DID NOT LIKE THIS.

Right away through sniffled tears they started cleaning. Right away I knew what I’d told them was wrong. But is it really any different than threatening to cancel Christmas by calling Santa and telling him not to come? Something I KNOW many of you have told your kids at one point or another.

And there was a kid’s book that I loved growing up that had a similar story… Miss Nelson is Missing.

So while I know that somewhere Supernanny is cringing in her sleep, part of me found some evil satisfaction in the fact that my kids suddenly were very intent on listening to me.

I know, I’m a bad mom.

I have not come clean with my kids about the Evil Mommy not really existing. But I’m no longer threatening to bring her down either. You never know, I may just need to conjure her up again someday.

So tell me, what’s the worst thing YOU’VE told your kids in order to get them to shape up?

I No Longer Speak English


Though I guess I can still write in English, as evident by this blog post. Now, I’m not positive, but I suspect that I have lost the ability to speak in my native tongue. In reality it’s only one possible theory as to why what has been occurring in my house today has been occurring. Actually scratch that, what has been happening in my house the whole latter half of the week.

My kids no longer understand me. Then again, over the last few days they have had a hard time even acknowledging that I’m speaking to them, let alone understanding what I’m telling them. So maybe it’s not that I’m no longer speaking English. Maybe I have wandered into some odd classic Twilight Zone episode where, though I keep talking, no one can hear me. Yes, that seems much more likely.

Heaven knows that it can’t be because my kids are six and four. It can’t be that because even though they are great kids, most of the time, that there aren’t times when they turn into absolute stinkers. Does it make me a bad mom to say this? No, I think it just makes me a mom.

What are your theories when it comes to selective hearing for your children? And also, please leave a comment. Cause the whole Twilight Zone theory kind of freaks me out a little. So it would be nice to know that even though Ive become invisible here at home somehow on the Internet I do in fact still exist.

OK, time to get the kids to clean up for dinner….

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

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